StoryPeople

it's hard to believe it's june 8.  i leave here in 15 days, 15!!!!!  i don't think i had 15 days notice to move here.  hahaha.  crazy.

one of the greatest things about being here is the schedule.  rehearsals monday - thursday, with performances on thursday and friday.  it's a real schedule(!!!) with performances every week.  i know that that might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but for this gal, that for the past 5 years has been living at the mercy of (and doing her best to survive) the hectic-ness of school, work, gigs, bassoon, etc., it's pretty fantastic.  and really, there's nothing like a live music performance, let alone being able to be part of one twice a week.

on the walk home from our concert tonight one of my roommates and i somehow found ourselves in a conversation about, well -- i guess at it's most basic level -- life.  i have a very hated question that gets asked a little too many times and really bothers me.  it's the "where do you see yourself in 5-10 years" question.  i'm not sure if this question has always bothered me, or if it started bothering me when i realized 10 years ago i had much more of an "adult" life than i do now.  ya know, the whole "decent salary and benefits" adult life.

10 years ago i never thought that in 5-10 years i wouldn't remember the last time i went to a doctor, let alone the dentist.  i never considered the amount of student loan debt i might incur, or the horrible decision to buy a townhouse in tallahassee, nor did i know the horrifying feeling of living paycheck to paycheck and it still not being enough to pay your bills.  10 years ago i had NO idea how hard being an "adult" was.  sometimes i miss that 10 years ago me, but mostly i'm horribly embarrassed for her.

10 years ago i also never would've said that i ever saw myself playing principal bassoon in an orchestra in mexico.  or that i would one day move to chicago because i got into chicago civic.  i surely never ever even dreamed that i would EVER have an opportunity to play with the chicago symphony.  and who knew that i'd find the absolute best dog in the whole wide world, and that he'd teach me so much more about myself than any person i've ever met.

all those things have happened, regardless of where i "saw" myself being in 5-10 years.

life happened, and i went with it.  i have zero regrets.  

i want to live my life so that 5-10 years from today, or tomorrow, or next year, i can say and know that i really lived.  that everyday i've woken up and met life head-on.  faced fears, worked hard, sought passion, had meaningful relationships, laughed, loved, cried -- the whole shebang!!  i might not be exactly where i thought life might take me, but where ever i am, i hope i can say that i feel alive.  and that there's no place else i'd rather be than exactly where i am.

i've long been a fan of the artist brian andreas, altho i do think he considers himself mostly a writer - i think that still qualifies him as an artist.  his StoryPeople have a way of explaining life in the simplest and most endearing ways.  you can (and should) check them out here:

http://www.storypeople.com/storypeople/Home.do?inMenu=true

truth be told, i want to own them all.  instead i give them as gifts to people nearest and dearest to my heart.  for my older sister's 30th birthday i got her "Mirror Image," it reads:  my sister read somewhere once that if you look into your own eyes long enough in a mirror you change into the devil and it took her almost 30 years but she finally did it.  
hahaha.  it pretty much summed up our entire relationship.  :)


at the moment, this particular one, "Falling Into Place" is constantly on my mind:

it reads: deciding everything is falling into place perfectly as long as you don't get too picky about what you mean by place.  or perfectly.  

i am playing principal bassoon, in an orchestra, in mexico.  i've been offered, and accepted, a year contract.  

life, you are crazy.