growing up

i’ve been thinking a lot lately.  a lot about what i want when i grow up and why i want it, and exactly how i will get it.  

my answer:  many diligent hours in the practice room and at the reed table.

another question:  is being a fantastic bassoonist the only thing i want in life when i’m grown up? 

my answer:  probably not.

when i was younger i never really thought about what my life might be like when i was older, or what types of people i would hold close, and in what direction i hoped my life would grow.  these are thoughts that now rule my days, sometimes over-taking my brain in such an annoying fashion.  sometimes, they even make me forget that all i have control over is who i am and what i am doing RIGHT NOW. 

right now:

i’m in aspen, being inspired and motivated every single day to become a better musician.

i’m sitting on the front porch watching a lightening storm that is moving up the valley, so towards us.  it’s hidden by clouds so all I can see is occasional bursts of lightening.  very mysterious. 

i’m missing my dobby (as if that’s a big surprise).

it’s my sister’s 30^th birthday!!  welcome to your 30’s, shannon!!

i woke up at 5:15am to hike electric pass, 13,635ft!!  it was amazing.  and totally worth waking up so early!!

i’m working on my resume, which is due in two days for an audition i’d love to take.

i’m seriously contemplating drinking beer. 

i had about a 2 hour long text conversation with a very close friend today while i contemplated taking a nap.  (this conversation is perhaps what sparked this blogpost) the nap never happened, but it sure was nice to “talk” to my friend.  technology is weird.

i think the whole street is currently looking for a bear that we’ve been randomly spotting the past few weeks.  rumor has it she has 3 cubs!!

i am ever so grateful for so many things that are hard to put into words. 

my right now is pretty fantastic.  i mean, i know that waking up at 6:30am to make it to the practice room by 7:30am doesn’t exactly sound glamorous, or what someone might be excited to spend their days doing.  but it’s days like these – the ones where i’m running full speed ahead, working and fighting for the dreams i have held close for so long - that i feel most alive. 

so i’m going to continue to do what i’m doing and being who i am, boring as that may be, until i’m the grown up that i’ve always dreamed of being.  life always has a funny way of working out, and in the most unexpected of ways.

so, brain, SHUT THE HELL UP, and stop trying to make me think i need grow up faster!!  let’s enjoy right now, it’s moving awfully fast and i want to hold on to these days for as long as i possibly can!  

time

i've been meaning to send out an update for quite some time now - although honestly, it's probably not as long as i think considering i feel like i've been gone from mexico for an enormous amount of time.  it's only been two weeks.  crazy.

yesterday was my first day off since i got here (except for July 4th, but i'm not counting that since it was a holiday!!) and all i had today was a lesson followed by going to hear the festival orchestra play mahler 1 - which i might add was momentarily interrupted by a fire alarm and evacuation of the music tent.  luckily there was no fire (perhaps a stagehand burned his toast??) and the concert resumed for all to enjoy!

this week for me includes dress rehearsals and performances of magic flute, which i'm rather excited about - i've never played a mozart opera before!!  and next week i'm playing principal on scheherazade!!  i've never played it before and to say that i'm excited is an extreme understatement!!  it's going to be tons of fun!  and also keep me very busy.

which is why i decided to write now - as i sit on my porch, listening to the rain, drinking beer, and watching the sunset.

admittedly, my last few weeks in culiacan i was a bit concerned about my decision to go to aspen, because it meant ZERO downtime.  i was worried that i would get here and crave time off and want nothing more than a chunk of time that i could forget about the bassoon.  lucky for me, just the opposite happened.  i've been extremely motivated to play and quite eager to soak up all the music i can!!  it's actually made me think about if i had not decided to come - i know that right now i'd be feeling guilty for not having touched the bassoon once since leaving mexico and having very little motivation to do so.  i sure am glad i decided to come, i cannot think of a better way to spend my summer!!

last year i came here during, what i think, was probably the highest point in my playing.  my life, however, felt like (translation: WAS) one big hot mess.  it's funny to think/realize how much things can change in a year.  right now i feel like my life is in a pretty good place but my bassoon playing is leaving A LOT to be desired.  i'm hoping that i can sort all my bassoon dilemmas out and leave here feeling like i can conquer the world.  (who doesn't want to conquer the world with a bassoon??)

that being said, i'm never going to get any better if i sit on the porch drinking beer all night, so i'm going to head inside to practice!

wishing you all a happy week!!!