growing up

i’ve been thinking a lot lately.  a lot about what i want when i grow up and why i want it, and exactly how i will get it.  

my answer:  many diligent hours in the practice room and at the reed table.

another question:  is being a fantastic bassoonist the only thing i want in life when i’m grown up? 

my answer:  probably not.

when i was younger i never really thought about what my life might be like when i was older, or what types of people i would hold close, and in what direction i hoped my life would grow.  these are thoughts that now rule my days, sometimes over-taking my brain in such an annoying fashion.  sometimes, they even make me forget that all i have control over is who i am and what i am doing RIGHT NOW. 

right now:

i’m in aspen, being inspired and motivated every single day to become a better musician.

i’m sitting on the front porch watching a lightening storm that is moving up the valley, so towards us.  it’s hidden by clouds so all I can see is occasional bursts of lightening.  very mysterious. 

i’m missing my dobby (as if that’s a big surprise).

it’s my sister’s 30^th birthday!!  welcome to your 30’s, shannon!!

i woke up at 5:15am to hike electric pass, 13,635ft!!  it was amazing.  and totally worth waking up so early!!

i’m working on my resume, which is due in two days for an audition i’d love to take.

i’m seriously contemplating drinking beer. 

i had about a 2 hour long text conversation with a very close friend today while i contemplated taking a nap.  (this conversation is perhaps what sparked this blogpost) the nap never happened, but it sure was nice to “talk” to my friend.  technology is weird.

i think the whole street is currently looking for a bear that we’ve been randomly spotting the past few weeks.  rumor has it she has 3 cubs!!

i am ever so grateful for so many things that are hard to put into words. 

my right now is pretty fantastic.  i mean, i know that waking up at 6:30am to make it to the practice room by 7:30am doesn’t exactly sound glamorous, or what someone might be excited to spend their days doing.  but it’s days like these – the ones where i’m running full speed ahead, working and fighting for the dreams i have held close for so long - that i feel most alive. 

so i’m going to continue to do what i’m doing and being who i am, boring as that may be, until i’m the grown up that i’ve always dreamed of being.  life always has a funny way of working out, and in the most unexpected of ways.

so, brain, SHUT THE HELL UP, and stop trying to make me think i need grow up faster!!  let’s enjoy right now, it’s moving awfully fast and i want to hold on to these days for as long as i possibly can!